Day 1

Dear God,

How many emails have You received? While this isn't technically an email -it is a journal of my path of rediscovering who You are. I don't know if anyone else ever reads this but this is my heart, poured out and empty and seeking Your love to fill it.....your guidance in my life.

God, I have been so out of Your Will for my life just due to the basic fact that I haven't even sought it. I have been going along my way and now I find that my way is cyclical, shallow, selfish, and, well, stupid. You were my Creator and You have a plan for me. Please don't let it be too late, God. I want to be a tool you can use, have an impact on other's lives and share Your love and story of salvation. I want to find out what it is like to live in Your Will again. I am only human. You are God and I am not.

Thank You for the MANY times you have saved my life (literally) over the last couple of years. Thank You for allowing me to still be here, to love and find and open my heart to You again....to love my children and teach them (again, my attempts at raising and training them without you are so insignificant I am sure, not to mention I have done a poor job as an example when I have not shown them You in my life).

Thank YOU for your forgiveness! I have done so much that I apologize for that the list would take up the whole blog. I know you know these things, Lord, and I know you will be with me as I find my way back to You and learn how to listen to the Holy Spirit once again.

And the amazing part of it all is that I deserve none of the above!!!!!!!!!! I deserve death and punishment and instead I have seen Your GRACE AND MERCY!!!!!! Lord, I cannot possibly say how that gives me such a sense of not only gratitude, but wonder.

This message reminds me of a baby just learning to walk....maybe a baby giraffe....very awkward, so far to go, so much to re-learn, so weak and yet determined......God, it has been SO long since I have cried out to you and prayed earnestly. I am ready, Lord, I am ready to hand my life back over to You. I am so sorry that I was living life without You....that I came so close to denying Your existence.....and according to Your Word, that is the unforgivable sin. Please help me be an example of You and Your Love to my children, namely the ones who are doubting you as well, you know their names, you know every hair on their heads. Help me show Your Love.

God, he talks of blessings. I feel so humble because I have your blessings but I would like to ask that 1. you help me be a witness for You. 2. you lead me to a church that we can serve and grow in and 3. help me provide for my family in every way and 4. please help both (you know who I mean) see and seek You in their lives. If one or both are not saved, God, I pray that someone or something (even me) will lead them to you if they are not led on their own. Lord, I acknowledge your omnipotence and omniscience and I THANK you...for everything....everything you have done for me that is so undeserved.

How can I say thanks
for all the things
that you have done for me?
Things, so undeserved, and yet you died
to prove your love for me...
The voices of a million angels
could not express
my gratitude
All that I am....
and ever hope to be...
I owe it all to Thee...

To God be the Glory
To God be the Glory
To God be the Glory

for great things HE has done!!